Growth requires change. Change means doing something different which leads to uncertainty. To grow we must embrace the following challenges:
Uncertainty produces fear, but Fear is Not a Stop Sign.
In order to grow you have to face your fears.
Repression is a type of refusal. It is the refusal to feel what you are really feeling.
By means of repression you divide yourself from your real self, which results in the loss of your true identity. Growing requires the recovery of the lost real self.
Pride is a type of shame. By means of the ego you derive your identity from the other’s view of you. Because you desire the other to view you positively, you hide what you believe is the negative side of yourself. Growing requires that you “unhide yourself” and that you establish a sense of who you are in your own eyes.
1. Feelings are not actions
The human being acts and reacts. Feelings belong to the reactive side of yourself.
As reactions, feelings are not actions. You do not do your emotional reactions. Reactions just happen to you. Because reactions are not actions, you are not to blame for your feelings; therefore you are innocent. The first step in achieving emotional health is realizing your innocence.
2. Feelings require inner space
Because feelings are not actions you are not good or bad for the way you feel. All Your Feelings Are Okay. Having room for all your feelings is called inner space. The second step in emotional health is achieving inner space, that is letting yourself feel whatever you are feelings without restriction.
3. Feelings by their nature seek expression.
Expressing your feelings verbally is called communication. The ability to communicate with the other is a necessary ingredient of healthy relationships. When you communicate, you reveal your true self to the other. This is the pathway toward genuine intimacy.
1. The Ethical Dimension
Relationships have both an ethical and emotional dimension. Relationships can only succeed emotionally if they succeed ethically. Ethical relationships are between one person and another person. The person to person relationship means relating to every person as having equal worth and respecting the differences of the other.
2. Relationships are voluntary
Romantic relationships are between free persons. No one is required to love the other or be loved. Relationships based on demands and control, rather than on choice, fail more often than not.
Relationships are most fulfilling when intimacy is achieved. Intimacy is closeness to the other. Intimacy can only be achieved, however, if you can love the other the way he or she really is and are loved the way you really are in return.
Honesty is the doorway to intimacy. When you lie, there are two of you: The one you pretend to be, and the one you really are. When you present a false self to the other, the false self becomes a wall behind which you hide your real self. But if you want to achieve intimacy, you must "unhide yourself" by means of communication. When we relate honestly we unite our psyche and our spirit and we live harmoniously with ourselves and others.
1. Letting your feelings be
...and relating honestly to the other are aspects of a deeper issue - namely, how we live our lives.
This is our most important and most neglected question we face in life. It is our most neglected question because most of us are focused on achieving goals, not on how we live. It is the most important question, since it influences all that we do in life.
2. There are three ways we can live our lives — inauthentically, authentically, inauthentically and authentically.
Most of us live in the third way — sometimes we live inauthentically and
sometimes we live authentically. The Danish philosopher Kierkegaard called
living in this way double-mindedness. Double-mindedness is okay, except
that it does not lead to growth. We only grow to the extent that we commit
to live authentically.
3. Living authentically means being yourself
It is only by being yourself- not sometimes and in some places, but always and in all places- that a person truly grows. Living authentically points the way to discovering your full potential and ultimate happiness.
Hear Dr. Flo Rosof
631 271 2220
I look forward to speaking with you - Dr. Flo Rosof
The Life Development Center
Dr. Rosof is the founding director of the Life Development Center, which specializes in:
- Parents & Children
- Career and life planning and achievement
- Challenges in love, work, stress, self-esteem, anxiety & depression
Dr. Flo Rosof
Dr. Rosof has also been featured in The New York Times, Newsday, Ladies Home Journal, Mademoiselle, Working Woman and Nassau Magazine. Other contributions include: Teaching at Stonybrook University (SUNY) in both the Undergraduate and Graduate Schools of Social Welfare.
Long Island University Graduate School of counseling, Adjunct Professor for thirteen years.
Establishment of first Career-Life Planning Center for women on Long Island
Facilitator of the first Parents Anonymous Group on Long Island.
Meet Luca . . . to whom this website is dedicated
Luca was a beautiful child who embodied the spirit of The Life Development Center for all who participate in it..
...an openness to life as a free being ...with innate worth because of his status as a human person.Luca lost his life in a tragic, instantaneous moment, two weeks after this video was made.